My life as always sucked... but now it sucks more... Today was my girlfriends last day at my high school... and i dont know what i am gonna do without her... she was my life... and now its gone.. I WANNA DIE!!! I WISH I WAS NEVER BORN!!! but at the same time i dont want to die... because my friends at my school are my family (so when i refere to family i am talking about my friends) So when i want to slit my throught i held the knife to my throught and i thought about everything in my life, happy and sad... and i started crying because i thought of my family... they are everything to me, not just my girlfriend... i am important to more than just one person... i have a family that loves me and supports me in everythig i do. I droped the knife to the floor.. i looked at the scars on my arms and i was like i am such an IDIOT!!!! i cant do this anymore... i care to much about the people i love... if i die then i cant spend the rest of my life with kiwi.. because i wont be alive to do it... my friend sent me a email that said this "I am so scared for you right. I know what you may feel like but please don't hurt yourself even if you are thinking of doin it please I will be very very very sad if you tired anything so don't. I love you Erica aka Sweetie Pie. DOn't want anything to happen to you Erica I'm am SO serious if something happen to you i will kill myself and and try to bring you back to life and ask you what the hell was you thinking . So that way we will both be alive when i Say what i have to say. I just saying this because i am your best friend and your my mines" and my responce to this was.... "As much as i may want to cut or burn or die right now i cant do it to you guys.. i know it would hurt all my friends and my friends are my family... i was gonna try to overdose 2nite but then i read this... and i thought of how my family would feel.. not my real family, but my friends family... and i thought of kiwi... my fiance.... how could i do something like that to her... if i commit suicide it would cause a chain reaction of suicides... i cant do that to my family... i am trying my best right now.. and i dont always choose the right thing... sometimes i do cut or burn still.... but i dont do it all the time... just when things are really bad... i also thought about slitting my throught... i held a knife to my throught 2day and i almost did it... but you know what stoped me... i didnt think of kiwi.. i thought of you.... cause your my sister.... your my boo-boo... and i also thought of bray-bray he is my best guy friend and he means alot to me 2... i dont know what i would do without you guys... you guys are the reason i am still alive 2day... You guys SAVED MY LIFE.... and i love you guys for that... you are my family and i never want to loose that... so i guess that means i have to live... sometimes i may hate my life, but at the same time I LOVE MY STUPID, IDIOTIC, FUCKED UP LIFE!!!! AND I LOVE YOU!!!" What i would do without my family i dont know... i probably wouldnt be here... but i am and thats all that matters.
-<3- Erica -<3-
-<3- Erica -<3-
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